Parenting Isn’t What I Expected

Sometimes life throws you into a chapter you never saw coming. You imagine building a family with someone, sharing the late nights, the laughter, the everyday victories. You picture partnership, support, and someone to lean on. And then, suddenly, you find yourself navigating parenthood alone.

This isn’t just co-parenting- This is rebuilding what being a parent looks like from the ground up.

It’s missing out on the motherhood you imagined — long road trips and vacation as a family, dinner and laughter around the table with everyone, watching dad teach them how to throw a ball, sharing the joy of watching them open gifts on holidays or birthdays, having someone to talk to and reflect with at the end of the night (the list goes on).

Now? (For me) It’s sleepless nights and wondering how I’ll do it all alone. It’s crying… a lot. It’s splitting holidays. It’s having to be both the feminine and masculine presence in my child’s life when I just want to be soft. It’s milestones celebrated quietly, without someone to share them with or learning to accept another “mom” figure in my child’s life while feeling at times that my role is minimized or not fully respected. It’s carrying the weight of all the finances, the household responsibilities, the pressure of keeping everything running. It’s scraping together any energy I can to build a business or juggle responsibilities so I can be present for the moments that matter most. It’s trying not to let the negativity from the other parent steal my peace and learning not to let anger or resentment take root when their life feels uninterrupted while mine is filled with sacrifice. It’s constantly worrying about what my child is doing or who is in their life when they aren’t with me. It’s being lied to about what my child is doing or who they are with when they aren’t with me…It’s grief for what was lost, fear for what I can’t control, and a constant, tiring determination to keep going.

Here’s what I’ve learned: I can’t control everything. I can’t carry every struggle or dictate what happens beyond my reach. But I can choose how I show up. I can be present in the moments I have with my child. I can love fiercely, guide with intention, and keep building a life that allows me to be the parent my heart knows I am. And, I can pray!! - Trusting that what’s behind me was never mine to hold - And I can keep moving forward, step by step, even when it’s messy, exhausting, and everything I never imagined.

And, through it all I have to believe there’s something beautiful waiting on the other side. All the hard days, all the tears, all the moments I didn’t know how to move forward but had no choice — I have to trust that God is shaping something greater. That the loss of the family I once pictured doesn’t define the life I will have. That this unexpected chapter, though full of twists and struggles, contains spaces of joy, growth, and blessings to still come. God will lead me to better than I could have dreamed. And, most importantly, even though it was nothing like I planned, at the end of the day I am blessed with being a mom to a wonderful child - no matter what that looks like.